Posts Tagged ‘Taiwan’

Happy Chinese New Year!

February 27, 2015

And in its honor, a primer to understanding China’s international relations:

Let’s say I’m China, and I have this delicious cake. It’s fluffy and moist, covered in all the flair with like chocolate flakes and candied rose petals and stuff. Written on top in pretty floral icing are the words “China’s Territorial Integrity.”

Along comes Britain who says “give me some of that cake.”

I ask why, and he says that it’s for free trade. I am reticent, and he wants to compromise. I ask what I get out of this compromise, and he says that I get to keep the part of the cake that I already own.

I do not think this is a good deal. He pulls a gun on me and cuts himself a slice anyway.

We will call this the Treaty of Nanjing.

Emboldened by Britain’s example, others – France, Russia, Portugal, Japan, the US, etc – do the same thing. Tientsin, Whampoa, Peking, Shimonoseki, Boxer Protocol, Twenty-One Demands, etc, etc, etc.

At one point, the US decides that, as one of the “compromises”, everyone gets to share equally in the cake. Everyone, that is, except me, who actually owned the cake in the first place.

We will call this the Open Door Policy.

Finally, when I’m left holding a tiny slice of what was originally left of my cake, I decide I’m done.

I buy a gun, I take some tactical classes, and the others are weakened due to fighting amongst themselves.

I start reclaiming my cake. It’s not a perfect process, and the icing got smudged or had bites taken out of it, but by and large it’s starting to look like the way it did before.

And then, the thieves that stole my cake in the first place have the gall to set themselves up as the arbitrators of whether this is correct and proper.

They’re standing there, wringing their hands that formerly held pieces of my cake that they took, making anime eyes at me and whining about my “saber-rattling” and my “territorial ambitions” that threaten to “destabilize the region”, asking why won’t I find a “peaceful way to reach compromise.”

And I’m just standing here, going “you have got to be kidding me.”

I’ve seen what your idea of compromise looks like.

There’s two definitions to that word, one is to actually meet in the middle, and the other is to concede, and it’s real obvious which one is meant whenever they say China needs to “compromise”.

(Original credit for the cake analogy goes to LawDog, whose original version I also agree very strongly with)

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Real Men of Genius – Mr. Internet Crusader for Human Rights

August 8, 2008

Real Men of Genius – Internet Crusader for Human Rights

Script:

____ presents: Real Men of Genius

Real Men of Genius!

Today we salute you, Mr. Internet Crusader for Human Rights

Mr. Internet Crusader for Human Rights!

Some people do research before committing to an action. Others make cost-benefit analyses. But not you. The moment you hear a slogan with celebrity endorsement and the word “freedom” in it, you’re up and ready to fight the good fight from the safety of your keyboard.

If nothing else, you’re raising awareness!

It’s wartime, there’s civil unrest in the border regions, and the economy is shaky, but that’s no reason to install cameras at traffic lights or to imprison looters and arsonists.

We’re jumping off a slippery slope here!

Sure, you have no idea how to build a functional government and economy from scratch. And you’re really fighting for a small disgruntled minority that no one cares about. But thanks to your efforts, at least the people are free…to complain about their lack of food.

MLK would be proud!

So here’s to you, oh helper of the helpless, oh champion of the oppressed. Just remember: only YOUR beliefs and standards of ethics and morality are correct, and anyone who says otherwise is a goddamn Nazi.

Mr. Internet Crusader for Human Rights!

————-

The Olympics start in less than a day. All the Internets arguing (some of which I’ve engaged in) will soon be meaningless. This is a little something I wrote and recorded, inspired by all the insipid things I’ve had used on me, mostly the following.

Complaints against HR people:

Don’t do research.

Don’t acknowledge alternate viewpoints caused by cultural differences.

Don’t account for factors such as war and civil unrest that necessitate some restrictions of rights.

Don’t consider that the cure might be worse than the disease.

Overly idealistic, leading to proposed “solutions” that are unrealistic at best and mess up the situation even more at worst.

Arrogant as fuck.

Often support vocal minority against the interests of the majority